Avengers: The Musical
by awesomest99er
Summary: An evil guy in a green dress & a golden hat that makes him look like a ram has stolen a precious CUBE & now plots to rule the world. Now a group of people must rise to stop him...The God of Thunder, a spy who likes spiders, a very patriotic man, MAN OF IRON, eye-patch guy, and...the other guy. You know him. He's big, green, & angry!
1. A Dramatic Backstory

**Disclaimer: This is extremely weird. I...I don't know what's wrong with me. I just got this idea 'cause Disney bought Marvel and...yeah. 0_o All of the songs are just parodies of other songs (mostly Disney).**

* * *

Nick Fury started humming a random tune.

"Poor unfortunate souls!" someone sang.

"What the crap?" Nick Fury looked around. He looked around for the person singing.

There was a guy in a green dress and a golden hat that made him look like a ram.

"I like your dress!" Nick Fury yelled.

"It's. A. Tunic!" Loki growled.

"Okay bye..." Nick Fury sang softly.

Then he realized that the Loki person was stealing a cube called the Tesseract.

"What the crap are you doing?" Nick sang. "Please don't make me attack someone again! Please don't leave with that rock. You can't keep your distance anymore. 'Cause for the first time in forever! I get to murder you! For the first time in forever! I will put handcuffs on you, hand in hand. We can head out of this building together with your handcuffs keeping you...'Cause for the first time in forever! I have a gun." Nick reloaded his gun and pointed it at Loki.

Loki sang in reply: "Nick, please go back to your room. Just pretend I'm not here or I'll hit you with a broom."

"Yeah but-"

"I know you mean well," Loki interrupted in song. "But just leave me be. I will rule this world. Just stay away and you'll be safe from me!"

"Actually I won't," Nick sang.

"What do you mean you won't?"

"I got the feeling you don't know..."

"What do I not know?" Loki sang.

"You're in deep, deep, deep...Trouble yo."

"What?" Loki wasn't singing this time.

"I got a gun and guards...Everywhere," Nick replied in his normal voice.

"Everywhere?" Loki repeated.

Nick nodded. "It's okay! You can just hand over the cube."

Loki continued singing: "No, I can't, I-I need it now..."

So of course Nick had to sing too. "No you don't! I know you just want it. 'Cause for the first time in forever..."

"You're such a fool! I can be free!"

"You really should be afraid."

"No escape from this blade I have!" Loki held up a large sword.

"We can work this out together..."

"I will control this curse!"

"I'll just kill you if you need," Nick sang.

"Ohhh, Nick, please, you'll make it worse!"

"Do panic." Nick put his finger on the trigger.

"There's so much fear," Loki sang sarcastically.

"I'll make the blood run bright!"

"You're not safe here!"

"You can just surrender the cube..."

"No!"

"I can put pie in your face now..."

"CRAAAAAAAAAAAP!" Loki sang all opera style.

"And you could be allergic!"

"GOOD BYE!" Loki used the cube to disappear.

"Well crap," Nick said.

"What do we do now?" a random agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. asked Nick.

Heroic music started playing in the background.

"Simple," Nick replied; "We shall form an élite team of superhuman beings..."

"What?"

The heroic music stopped. Nick slapped his forehead. "Superheroes, Glen."

"Oh! I get it now! Which ones?"

The heroic music started up again. "They shall join forces to stop this evil cube-stealing madman! They're called...the Avengers...We shall...ASSEMBLE THE AVENGERS!"


	2. Assembling of the Avengers

Natasha Romanoff sat tied up in a chair.

"Spider gleam and glow," some random Russian thug started singing with a thick Russian accent. "Let your answers show. Or I will torture you. These answers are mine...They will be mi-"

Suddenly her phone rang, interrupting the song. "Sorry dude. Gotta take this."

"Yolkipaiki," the Russian guy muttered. (Translation: Fiddlesticks.)

"Hello?"

"NATASHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," Nick yelled.

"What dude what?!" Natasha demanded.

"I NEED YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU," Nick replied.

"For what?! I'm kind of busy being held hostage here..."

"Well first I need you to find...You know him..."

"No. I don't know. Who?!"

"He's big...Green...And angry!"

"Ohhhh that guy. Okay." Natasha hanged up. She kicked the Russian dude in the crotch.

"YOLKIPAIKI!" the Russian guy sang out.

"Hey can I borrow a knife?"

"Oh yeah. Here." He handed Natasha a knife.

Natasha cut herself free. "Okay. Thanks dude." She handed the knife back. "Now, uh...What's the easiest way to get to India?"

"You can travel by map."

"Okay. Thanks." Natasha jumped in her car.

* * *

"Who lives in India as a doctor?" an Indian person sang.

Bruce Banner slapped his forehead. "Why must karma be so cruel to me?"

"BUH-RUCE BANNER!"

"Oh great."

"Something and something and something is he! BUH-RUCE BANNER!"

"Please stop."

"If not dying is something you wish...BUH-RUCE BANNER! Go to the doctor's and take some medicine. BUH-RUCE BANNER!"

"I don't even know what you're saying now." Bruce Banner shook his head.

"BUH-RUCE BANNER! BUH-RUCE BANNER! BUH-RUCE BANNER! BUH-RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE! BANNERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Bruce sighed. "Thank you for that."

A little girl yanked on his sleeve.

"Oh. Okay. I HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE." Bruce followed the girl. She led him to this building. When Bruce went in, the little girl jumped out the window.

Natasha closed the door behind him.

"Before you say anything," Bruce exclaimed, "please don't start singing. People here sing like CRAZY."

"Aw man!" Natasha crossed her arms and made a pouting frown. "I had a whole song and everything planned."

"Sing it in the shower," Bruce replied.

Natasha sighed. "Okay. I guess I will...ANYWAYS. We need your help to save the world from this lunatic in a dress named Loki!"

"What?"

"He stole a cube! Oh the horror!"

"What?" Bruce repeated.

"The cube has gamma rays. You know about them, right?"

"...Yeah..."

"Then you need to help! PLEASE!" Natasha's eyes sparkled.

Bruce sighed. "Alright, alright! But stop doing those puppy eyes, okay?"

* * *

"Hey dude," Nick said.

Steve Rogers frowned. "Do I know you?"

"YEAH DUDE! IT'S ME, BRO! NICK FURY! REMEMBER ME, MAN?!"

Steve Rogers shrugged.

"Well we need your help to save the world."

Steve considered this. Finally he said, "Seems legit. Hey do I get a song?"

"Get on the plane. I'll show you your song there."

They boarded the airplane. Nick Fury turned on the beginning part of Lion King.

"What?!" Steve exclaimed. "That's not even in English!"

"Well it's still a song, so..."

* * *

"My tower's a bit of a fixer-upper," Iron Man sang, flying in his Iron Man suit. "So it's got a few flaws! Like the power source. Or the energy use! It's kind of bothering nature's laws. So it's a bit of a fixer-upper. But there's one thing I'm certain of...I can fix this fixer-upper up with a bit of-" Tony Stark crashed through his window. "Um. Well, I didn't expect it to go that way!"

"Tony, please," Agent Coulson said. "You're a superhero. At least TRY to be official."

"WHO ARE YOU?!" Iron Man screamed. "OH NO IT'S AN EVIL GUY! AND HE'S GOT A PROBE!"

"It's a pen. And we need your help with an alien problem of sorts. There's a guy in a dress and a golden hat with ram horns."

"Uh...Okay? I guess?"

* * *

Meanwhile...A mysterious man in a green dress with a golden hat that looks like ram horns lurked mysteriously in his mysteriously mysterious lair of mystery.

"MAKE A DEVICE WITH THIS CUBE!" Loki yelled to the random hypnotized people. (One of which being Hawkeye, whose real name is apparently Barton.) "'Cause I am working with some aliens, and they need this device or else they will murder me and make it look like an accident. Something to that effect."

"Uh sir," one of the people said. "We need this certain metal substance source thing-a-ma-bob..."

"Well then there's only one thing to do about it: Make a big deal!"

* * *

**Bruce Banner was being a doctor in India according to the internet.**

**I honestly thought he was just standing around in some random dude's house in India. :P**


	3. Fancy Party in Stuttgart

"Hi," Steve said to Bruce Banner.

"Are you sure this is safe? 'Cause like...You know..."

Steve shrugged. "My song is from Lion King."

"Uh...Wait what?"

"YO DUDES!" Tony Stark exclaimed. "WHAT'S HAPPENING, MAN?"

"Hey everybody!" Nick Fury yelled. "According to da GPS, we gotta go all da way to Germany to find Loki! It's in this weird-soundin' place called STUTTGART. I think the town name is totally made up so dat we have an un-copyrighted place to go. BUT STILL. Let's go there!"

"Shouldn't we sing or something?" Natasha asked excitedly.

"Oh no." Bruce slapped his forehead. "Not more singing!"

"WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE LOKI," everyone else sang, "THE WEIRD LOKI OF ASGARD!"

"Why do you have to sing all the time?!" Bruce exclaimed. "It's pointless!"

"WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE LOKI," Tony Stark yelled to Bruce's face, "THE WEIRD LOKI OF ASGARD!"

"Let's hope Germany is really close by air-ship." Bruce shook his head. "I'm not sure how much of this singing I can handle..."

* * *

Finally they land in Germany. Bruce went as far as stuffing cotton in his ears to ignore the noise.

"We're here," Nick Fury said.

"WHAT?!" Bruce yelled. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"I SAID WE'RE HERE!"

"OH. OKAY." Bruce took the cotton out of his ears.

They went into the fancy palace place where there was some fancy party being held. Loki was in there with the two mind-controlled people (I do not wish to say their names because I don't know who they are except that one is Hawkeye).

One of the mind-controlled people got this metal they needed.

Loki put on his ram hat. "I'M GONNA BE A POWERFUL KING, SO ENEMIES BEWARE!"

Silence.

"Someone's supposed to sing another part! Ugh. I'll just do the chorus then...OH I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KING!"

More silence.

"Well, uh...I'm king now...Uh...KNEEL!"

The people started kneeling.

"That guy is bad at singing," Bruce muttered.

"You think I'm bad at singing?! Get up here fool!"

Bruce sighed and went on the stage where Loki was being all dramatic.

Suddenly, Captain America (in his superhero suit) started singing: "Everybody wants to be a king!"

"What?" Loki raised an eyebrow and looked at the very patriotic man in leggings.

"Because the king's the only king who knows what's happening!"

Bruce carefully backed away from the weirdness. "These people are all weirdies," he muttered.

Loki knocked out Captain America with his STICK OF AWESOMENESS (otherwise known as a scepter).

"Oh crap."

Iron Man-also in his Iron Man suit-kidnapped Loki.

"Isn't that illegal?" Bruce asked Iron Man.

Iron Man stuffed Loki in a bag. "Nah. It's cool. That's cool. That's keeewl..."

Bruce blinked. "Er...Alright?"

They went back on the ship.

And on the way Thor kidnapped Loki back again.

"Why does stuff like this always happen to me?!" Iron Man complained. He flew of the ship to get Thor.

"I hate not being able to fly." Captain America grabbed a parachute and jumped out.

"Should we help them or something...?" Bruce asked, pointing out the open door.

"Nah." Natasha put a bag of popcorn in the microwave. "Let's just watch. This is going to be interesting."


	4. Kidnap Loki Laufeyson

**It might be a little harder to tell, but this is a parody of Kidnap The Sandy Claws from Nightmare Before Christmas. I love that movie for some reason. Maybe it's the Tim Burton animations 'cause I was very interested it the pictures they made of Tim Burton's versions of the Disney princesses...**

* * *

"Kidnap Loki Laufeyson?" Thor asked.

"Let me go," Loki said.

"WHAT HE SAID!" Iron Man yelled.

"I don't even know who you are!" Thor replied.

"This bag is uncomfortable!" Loki whined.

"I kidnapped him first!" Iron Man yelled childishly.

"Immature mortal," Thor replied.

They landed hard on the ground.

"Kidnap Loki Laufeyson!" Thor sang. "Bring him to Asgard."

"Yay more singing!" Iron Man's eyes sparkled.

"Lock him in his room and then turn off all the lights!"

Loki gave a song reply: "You're grounding me for ruling Earth? Just let me have my mirth! Let me leave with my cube, and I won't bother you."

"Wait!" Iron Man half-yelled and half-sang. "I've got a better plan! Just let me handle that man. I can take him to my ship and lock him up in a glass cage!" (Because you always put the sociopath maniac in a glass prison in the center of the room.)

"Kidnap Loki Laufeyson!" Thor sang again. "Bring him to Asgard. Show him to his fake parents. He'll be in trouble."

"It's not my fault I had to get adopted!" Loki sang from his bag. "My real parents are dead. And you won't catch me back in Asgard! I have a job to do."

"You're not doing that job brother!" Thor sang. "You'll just kill us all. I'm not going to be responsible for that! So you'll just have to come back."

Iron Man sang his reply: "You're so stupid-"

"VAT did you call me?" Thor asked with a random Swedish accent.

"Uh..." Iron Man frowned. "Ah..."

Thor tried to attack Iron Man with lighting.

"AH FK" Iron Man yelled.

A dramatic battle started up.

"WILL YOU JUST STOP?!" Captain America yelled.

Loki, halfway out of the bag prison, turned to look. Thor and Iron Man stopped their battle. Iron Man was in the middle of a body slam on Thor, so he stopped in mid-air.

"How about Tony and Thor just work together?!"

Thor and Iron Man looked at each other.

"As the common mortal says: 'seems legit'," Thor replied.

Iron Man looked at him.

Thor shrugged.

Iron Man shrugged.

Thor shrugged.

Iron Man shrugged.

Thor shrugged.

Iron Man shrugged.

Captain America looked at Loki.

"Those are weird people," Loki remarked.

"Back in the bag!"

"Okay." Loki sighed and went back into the bag.

"Let's just get back to the ship," Iron Man said.

Thor picked up the bag with Loki in it.

Halfway to the ship, Loki yelled, "ARE WE THERE YET?"

* * *

**DO YOU GET THE THOR PART?! ****"Vat did you call me?" ****If you don't...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. :(**


	5. Gansfersfers

**I had a lot of fun with this chapter.**

* * *

They locked Loki in a glass prison in the center of the room.

"How come the sociopath maniac is always in the glass prison?" Bruce asked. "Seriously why?"

Tony Stark poked Bruce with a stick.

Bruce raised an eyebrow. "What was that for?"

"Shoot I want to see Hulk." Tony made a pouting face.

"Do you want us all to die?" Steve asked.

Bruce slapped his forehead. "Thanks."

"We should sing something," Tony remarked.

"No! No more singing!" Bruce yelled.

"Will it make Hulk appear?" Tony looked at Bruce hopefully.

"What's with you and Hulk?"

"Yeah, Tony." Steve glared at Tony. "What's with you and Hulk? Clearly you didn't understand that it could kill us all...No offense, Bruce."

Bruce shrugged.

"Well we'd look cool as we all die!" Tony said. "Hey Bruce, what makes Hulk appear?"

Bruce sighed. "I just have to stay calm to avoid the Hulk...And I'm pretty good at that. There's a secret to staying calm."

"Really? What is it?"

"Yoga. And Skittles. Also a little anger management classes."

"Oh."

* * *

"Sup dude?" Natasha sat down on a lawn chair in front of Loki's prison cell.

"What are you doing?" Loki asked.

"Well I thought you needed some company." Natasha put on a beach hat.

"O rlly?!"

"Dude why did you pronounce it like there are no vowels in 'really'?"

"Because that's how you spell it in Asgard."

"Oh. Cool I guess." Natasha shrugged.

"O RLLY?" Loki stressed the words. "It sounds like you're just saying that."

"You're a weirdo."

"You're an assassin."

"OH CRAP. Well...You're a cotton-headed ninny-muggin!" Natasha crossed her arms.

"Oh yeah?" Loki raised an eyebrow. "Well your dad grows GMO corn."

Natasha gasped and burst into tears. "How dare you! You monster!"

"Actually no I didn't bring the monster on board." Loki stuck out his tongue.

"NEIN-" Natasha stopped. "Sorry. Wrong movie. Let me try again." Natasha cleared her throat. "I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING YOU SOCIOPATH MANIAC! I must warn the others!" She ran off heroically, but her beach hat fell off. Natasha grabbed it and continued running.

* * *

"I am suspicious of you," Steve said to Nick Fury randomly, "because that is what it says in the script I just made up!" Steve picked up a notebook and slammed it back down on the desk. A cup of coffee spilled. "Uh-oh." Steve fumbled to fix it up.

"And I'm very suspicious!" Tony yelled.

"I...Am also suspicious...of you..." Bruce put his hand on his chin. "Yeah."

Nick sighed. "Okay...I have...In my pockets...A couple of GANSFERSFERS."

"What?"

"DEVA!"

"I'm confused..."

"I have...In my pockets...a FEUR ANFERSTZERSZZZ." He pulled out four hamburgers and threw them at Tony Stark.

"Oh I get it now," Bruce said.

"And I'm also building weapons with that cube Loki stole."

"WHAT?!" the other three exclaimed in unison.

"So...Yah. No big deal! Just defending ourselves from Santa."

"SANTA ISN'T REAL THOUGH," Steve yelled.

"He...He isn't?" Tony gasped.

"No, Tony." Steve shook his head. "He isn't."

"My whole childhood is a LIE!" Tony started sobbing dramatically.

* * *

Meanwhile, on another part of the ship...

A mysterious man (whose name is Hawkeye) creeped around the ship. He shot an explosive arrow at the engine.

"WITH MY FRIENDS ON THE OTHER SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!" Hawkeye ran around randomly.


	6. Yes, Hulk Does Smash

Lots of things happened. Meaning parts of the ship blew up, and all the Avengers were separated.

A piece of rubble fell on Natasha.

"Crap," she muttered. "Crapplesauce!"

Unfortunately Bruce Banner was near her, and Hulk was starting to appear.

"CRAPPLESAUCE FOR SURE," Natasha exclaimed. "I need to sing something..."

"QUIT SINGING," Hulk yelled.

"You know what? I'll just do a running montage." Natasha slipped out from the piece of rubble and started running. Rock music blasted from somewhere, making it an official running montage.

"HULK SMASH!"

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Natasha ran. "HELLLLLLP! HULK IS TRYING TO MURDER ME! HELLLLLLLP!"

* * *

"Dude we gotta fix this trash," Steve said. He pointed to the engine that was all jacked up.

"Hey Steve?"

"Yeah Tony?"

"Do you get the feeling that there's a woman in trouble right now? And that she's about to be murdered in a brutal manner that is dished out by a man of pure anger?"

Steve shrugged. "I don't think I do..."

Tony and Steve stared at each other.

"Probably that roast beef I ate." Tony shrugged. "I knew there was something odd about its flavor..."

"Yeah. Let's just fix this ship."

"Okay."

* * *

Natasha was cornered.

"ART THOU A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS?" Thor yelled.

"Well...I'm a damsel. And I'm in distress. If I just had a knife I'd be fine..."

"Hey large green sir!" Thor waved around his arms. "Over here!"

Hulk turned.

Natasha screamed and ran away.

Thor sighed. "I was going to get her to help me..."

"HULK SMASH!"

"Uh-oh."

A pilot from S.H.I.E.L.D. got into a jet and tried to shoot Hulk. "Gosh why doesn't this guy sing?!"

"HULK DOESN'T SING! HULK SMASH!" Hulk tried to, well, smash the ship thing, but then he fell.

"Will he be fine?" Thor asked.

The S.H.I.E.L.D. dude shrugged.

"I shall just...Good day human." Thor went to Loki's glass prison for sociopath maniacs.

The power went out on his way. Thor ran because he was terrified of the dark.

"Hello man in green dress."

"It's a tunic and my name is Loki!"

Hawkeye (or Barton or whatever) came in the room. "I am evil!"

"GAH! Archer human!" Thor exclaimed. "And your hair isn't red and puffy! It's supposed to be red and puffy! What is wrong with this planet?"

Natasha ran in the room. "I think I'm supposed to be here!"

"GET IN THERE FOOL!" Loki shoved Thor in the glass prison.

"Hey!" Thor yelled. "How did you even do that?! I'm not a sociopath maniac! I'm not supposed to be here!"

Natasha kicked Hawkeye in the crotch. Loki pressed a red button.

"NOT THE RED BUTTON!" Natasha screamed.

The glass prison fell from the ship. Hawkeye stabbed a certain Agent Coulson and ran, singing all the way.

* * *

**This is really weird...Probably just that roast beef I ate... :P**


	7. The Death of Coulson

Thor threw his hammer, and it smashed through the glass. Thor leaped out and landed safely. It probably had something to do with his God of Thunder powers.

* * *

"Done." Captain America wiped his hands on his pants. "Now the engine is fixed."

"What is wrong with you? Now your pants are all dirty."

"What are you, a germophobic? OCD?"

* * *

"The secret million dollars is hidden in the...the..." Coulson died.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Nick Fury screamed, shaking his fist at the world.

"Just kidding." Coulson blinked.

"What?! What kind of sick joke is that?!"

"I always wanted to do that. Now I think I'm supposed to say something about avenging...like they...avenge...or something..."

"Hey Coulson, IS there really a secret million dollars?"

No answer.

"Coulson?"

Nothing.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

Nick paced in front of Tony Stark, Natasha, Steve Rogers, and Hawkeye (Natasha slapped him which made him not hypnotized er whatever).

"Avengers?" Then he started singing (I mean, this is a musical!): "Do you wanna save the world? Come on we can't delay! We won't see Coulson anymore. He's at death's door. He's just gone away! We used to be best buddies. But now we're not. Because Coulson is really dead...Do you wanna save the world? 'Cause we have to stop Loki."

"Of course we do!" Tony yelled.

"Okay good..." Nick nodded.

Steve gasped, realizing that Nick wasn't lying when he said Agent Coulson was dead.

"This chocolate will help." Natasha gave Steve some chocolate.

Steve ate it.

"See? Chocolate. It's good."

Steve nodded.

"But not too much," Tony said.

"Do you wanna save the world?" Nick Fury continued singing. "Or maybe avenge Coulson? I think that is overdue, he needs this now!" Nick patted Steve on the back. "Hang in there, Steve."

Steve sighed. "It gets a little lonely, stuck on this ship...Just watching the people leave..."

They stared at the clock.

"I'm sad!" Tony yelled. "Hulk, Thor, and Coulson are GONE!"

"Crying will make it better," Nick said. "Calm down." Nick gave Tony a tissue.

"No! I won't! It makes me less manly..."

"It's okay, Tony!" Natasha said. "You don't have to be manly all the time."

"Guys?" Nick sang. "I know you're all sad...People are asking where Coulson's been! They say 'have courage,' and I'm trying to. I'll be here for you I guess...But I'm also sad...We only have each other. We should avenge Coulson. Now that's why it's the Avengers...Do you wanna save the world...?"

* * *

Thor looked for his hammer. "Here hammer hammer...HERE hammer hammer..."

* * *

Bruce Banner woke up on a pile of rubble.

A guy gaped at him.

"DON'T LOOK AT ME I'M NAKED!" Bruce hid behind some rocks. "Why is Hulk so huge? I mean seriously...And how are my pants so stretchy? Uh, stranger dude? Do you have, like, a spare of clothes I can have?"

* * *

"Well Loki is a total drama queen," Tony said. "So...what would he do with that?"

Natasha shrugged, filing her nails. "Is there a really big tower nearby?"

"Well...There's my tower...Oh no. There's my tower. THAT WEIRDO IS GOING TO USE MY TOWER. HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE PERMISSION!"

* * *

**I should not be able to joke over a fictional character's death.**

**And then I made a song about it?**

**Gosh I need some mental help or somethin'. -_-**


	8. Poor Unfortunate Mortals

One of the mind-controlled people set up the advice they were making.

"Good job, Squishy." Loki pat the man on the back.

"My name isn't Squishy..."

"That's not my problem, Squishy."

Squishy glared at Loki.

Loki pressed the red button on the machine (because that is the button that causes doom). A blue light shot into the sky.

"Shiny..." Squishy's eyes sparked.

Loki slapped Squishy with a sandal. "This is a portal-door-thingy for the army of aliens I told you about!" Loki said. "It is not 'shiny'! It's deadly! DEAD. LY."

Tony-actually in his suit-flew to the Iron Man tower. He took off his suit (in the bathroom, of course) and walked up to Loki.

"Sup?" Tony leaned back casually on the bar in his house.

"Why does everyone say that to me?! What does it even mean?!"

Tony sighed. "It means 'what's up'."

Loki blinked.

"You don't even know what that is? Wow, Asgard is weird..."

Loki shrugged. "I admit that in the past I have been nasty," he started singing. "They weren't kidding when they called me, well, an evil guy in a green dress with a ram hat..." Loki frowned. He shrugged and continued singing: "But you'll find that nowadays, I still haven't mended my ways! Still been evil, crazy, and tried to rule Earth. True? Yes. And fortunately I have this little device. Building is a talent that I always have possessed. And here lately, you won't laugh, I used it on behalf on ruling this whole planet! Poor unfortunate mortals! In pain! In need! This one longing to keep living, that one wants to live on Mars. Do I help them? No I won't!"

"That's harsh man..." Tony sighed.

"Those poor unfortunate mortals. So sad...so true. They flock into this tower crying, 'Mercy, Loki, please!' And do I help them? No I won't. Now it's happened once or twice...I just needed a little help...So I just used mind control!" Loki pointed to Squishy.

"Professor Selvig?" Tony asked.

"Finally! Someone uses my real name! I'm not Squishy." Squishy (we shall continue calling him that) crossed his arms.

"Yes I gave him a nick-name. But on the whole I've been Satan! To you poor unfortunate mortals!"

"You really do act like a devil," Tony sang, finally having an idea to make it a duet. "The humans here definitely hate you! Yes, down there it is much preferred for you to just go back to Asgard. After all, what's ruling the world for? Come on, they're not all impressed with that junk. True humans avoid it if they can. But they really do prefer to have the different countries. Not just one big ruler of all Earth!"

"You poor unfortunate mortals!" Loki sang. He was slightly annoyed that Tony made it a duet. (Sadly, Loki has never had a successful song that he sang all by himself.) "Go ahead! Try to stop me! Aliens are a very busy species, and they haven't got all day. Don't worry about me. Just the army!"

"Well we have a Hulk! It's cool. And true."

Loki rolled his eyes. "If you want to scare me, you fool, you have failed terribly! Take a gulp, take a breath, now go and try your worst! Squishy, Squishy, I've got him, boy. The boss is on a roll! YOU POOR. UN. FORTUNATE. MORTALS."

* * *

**Ursula's my favorite Disney Villain! And I love that song, Poor Unfortunate Souls...**


	9. Alaskan Bull Worm!

**I just looked at my thing that says the reviews & stuff & stuff...428 FREAKING VIEWS. OH MY GOSH. THAT IS SO COOL. THANK YOU FOR VIEWING THIS SO MUCH RANDOM PEOPLES. :P****  
**

* * *

Tony glared at Loki. "I don't care about your army or whatever crap you have...Because...Yeah." Tony crossed his arms. "Boom."

Loki tried to mind control him, but it didn't work.

"Yeah fool I got a mechanical heart your mind control won't work on me oh yeah what I'm awesome totally awesome-"

Loki threw him out the window.

Tony pressed a button on his bracelet, and his Iron Man suit caught him. Tony decided to put it on.

Riding on hover-boards, a bunch of other aliens flew threw the portal.

Tony blinked. "Thank goodness I didn't need to sleep..."

A giant worm-like plane thing followed them.

"FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE."

Natasha and Hawkeye flew towards Tony in a jet.

"Dude calm down," Natasha said.

"IT'S A FREAKING WORM PLANE!" Tony yelled.

"No you fool!" Hawkeye replied. "That's an Alaskan Bull Worm! Run!"

Tony screamed. "It's in Alaskan Bull Worm! We are dead!"

"You'll be fine!" Natasha said. "We'll just get Manhattan and push it away! But first we have to deal with those other aliens!"

"Right! Whatever! Let's just get on with it!"

"Tony, you take the alien things on the hover-boards," Natasha instructed. "Clint and I will handle that worm ship."

"Alaskan Bull Worm!" Hawkeye corrected.

"Whatever."

Tony flew off to attack the aliens.

"Let's get down to business," Natasha sang. "To defeat...Chitauri...Did Loki send daughters when he asked for sons? They're the saddest bunch I've ever met. But you can bet before we're through...Oh Chitauri I will make a grave for you! I might seem tranquil as a forest, but I'm on fire within! I have found my weapon. And I'm sure to win!"

The Chitauri started singing: "CHITAURI. We are as swift as a coursing river. CHITAURI. With all the force of a great typhoon. CHITAURI. With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moons!" (They probably have more than one moon surrounding their planet.)

"Time is racing towards us," Natasha sang. "'Til they all die! Heed my every order, Clint, and you might survive! You might be suited for the rage of war. So buck up, be strong, kill them. Oh aliens I will make a grave for you!"

"CHITAURI. We are as swift as a coursing river. CHITAURI. With all the force of a great typhoon. CHITAURI. With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moons! CHITAURI. We are as swift as a coursing river. CHITAURI. With all the force of a great typhoon. CHITAURI. With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moons!"

The "Alaskan Bull Worm" shot at Natasha and Clint's ship, causing them to crash.

* * *

**I didn't know about Iron Man's mechanical heart, but I'm just looking at the plot on this random blog. :P**

**Well I looked up Chitauri on Google Images ('cause I forgot almost everything in the Avengers that didn't involve Bruce Banner) and...CHITAURI ARE FREAKING SCARY! NO WONDER LOKI WAS WORKING WITH THEM TO HELP RULE THE WORLD! I MEAN SERIOUSLY!****  
**

**I was lazy about the chorus. I just copy-pasted it. :P ****Am I the only one who says "copy-paste" instead of "copy and paste"? 0_o**


	10. In Which Brucey Reappears

**No songs in this chapter. ****I don't want it to end up like just a summary at the end part, but Hulk HATES songs, so...yeah. XD**

**Not like I would know that personally...**

**I do not speak to fictional characters. 0_o *whispers* _I'm lying..._**

**XD I'm just kidding! Or am I...? You will never know...**

* * *

Thor walked up to his brother. "Seriously, brother? You caused a huge calamity...But I think we can still fix it all."

"Lol no." Loki threw some canned bread at Thor (because canned bread is very heavy).

Meanwhile, on the ground...

"Please kindly GET OUT OF HERE NOW OR YOU WILL NOT LIVE UNTIL TOMORROW," a police officer shouted through the megaphone.

"KILL IT WIFF FIRE!" Natasha screamed, slapping an alien. "DIE YOU STUPID ALIEN! NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

Bruce Banner rolled up on a little motorbike. "Hey guys! What did I-Oh my gosh...I missed a LOT while I was gone..." Bruce looked around.

"How did you get that motorbike?" Natasha exclaimed. "Did you steal it?"

"Um..." Bruce coughed. "The details aren't important! Heh heh..."

"A little help here?" Hawkeye asked. "You could go all Hulk er whatever you call it..."

"Um...o-okay...I guess...?"

The next minute, Hulk was crushing some aliens. The alien worm ship starting flying/hovering towards them.

"I got the Alaskan Bull Worm to follow me!" Tony exclaimed. "Oh my gosh! It's Hulk! Hey Hulk! Over here, boy!" Tony was kind of acting like Hulk was some sort of dog. (That would make a rather interesting dog...)

Hulk glanced at Tony.

"You see that Alaskan Bull Worm? Kill it, Hulk! Kill it!"

"I don't think he understands you!" Natasha yelled.

Hulk smashed the worm thing.

"What was that you were saying?" Tony asked. "I couldn't hear you over the sound of Hulk understanding me!"

"What does that even mean?" Natasha replied.

"Yeah, I...I dunno..." Tony shrugged.

"Let's just get the rest of the alien things!" Natasha yelled. "But first we should s-"

"NO SINGING!" Hulk yelled, blowing back Natasha's hair.

"Right!" Tony replied. He looked at Natasha. "Probably not a good idea to sing, considering Hulk hates that, and...yeah..."

They started dramatically fighting the Chitauri aliens. A bunch of aliens flew through the portal.

"OH MY GOSH!" Tony screamed. "MORE ALASKAN BULL WORMS!"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Grow up!"

"We gotta close that freakin' gate," Natasha said. "And NOT sing 'cause I don't want to nearly die TWICE ! Er...Hey Hulk! Can ya lend me a hand or something?"

Hulk turned his head.

"Um...Here, hang on...Just, er, just stand there, Hulk! Don't move!"

Awkwardly, Natasha climbed on top of Hulk, who surprisingly allowed Natasha to use him as a boost. Hulk just closed his eyes and waited patiently. (Hulk and patience? That is very rarely seen in the wild.) Natasha jumped on one of the hover boards with her spy skills, kicked the Chitauri in the crotch (if it's where the crotch is on a human...), and pushed him off the thing.

"Thanks Hulk!" Natasha yelled before she flew off.

Hulk just stared after Natasha with a completely confused expression. "...Welcome...?"

* * *

**It's hard typing Thor's accent, especially with the song! I think he just talks kind of fancy, but that's not much to go from.**

**Thor: I'm so fanceh! You already know! I'm in the fast lane! With the Avengers!**

**So apparently there WERE songs in this chapter...But we can't let Hulk here or else he might smash something! :P**


	11. Meeting With SHIELD

**Oh my gosh! This is my third parody of Let It Go! What the heck?!**

* * *

Nick Fury was speaking with the S.H.I.E.L.D. council. Well, no. Nick Fury was SINGING with the S.H.I.E.L.D. council.

"Chitauri fly through the portal tonight," a man sang. "No way of stopping it to be seen."

A woman sang next: "An apocalyptic city! And it looks like we're to blame..."

Nick looked out the window and sighed. "The Hulk is smashing all the things around. Couldn't keep it in; we all know he tried..."

"Don't let them in, don't let them see," the first man sang. "Don't let the civilians scream! Conceal, don't feel, conspiracies...Well I've got a plan! Blow it up, blow it up! Don't have another plan! Blow it up, blow it up! Turn away and light the fuse! I don't care that they're going to die. Let the bombs go off! And the Chitauri will die."

"Funny how your idea," Nick sang, "will kill the Avengers." Nick glared with his one eye. "And I'm beginning to think...You have something against them!"

"It's time to see what we can do," the woman sang, "test the limits and blow it up! No right, no wrong, with the Chitauri. Let's kill them!"

"Blow it up," the first man sang again, "blow it up! I am one with the bombs and fire. Blow it up, blow it up! We will see Loki cry! Here I stand, and this is what I say: Let the bombs go off!"

Nick scowled at the two S.H.I.E.L.D. council people. "Your stupidity flurries through the air and into the ground. My anger is spiraling in curse words all around. And one thought can cause me to punch you. I'll never let you do that! You'll kill the Avengers!"

"Blow it up! Blow it up!" the first man sang. "And I might soon fire you. Blow it up! Blow it up! The Chitauri will be gone. Here I stand...As a hologram! Let the bombs go off! And the Chitauri will die."

"You. Are. Insane!" Nick yelled. "Not only will you kill the Avengers, but you will also kill a bunch of other people! And probably us!"

"Um, Nick?" The woman raised an eyebrow. "We're holograms. The only one of us that would die would be you."

"You're trying to murder me!" Nick yelled. "Why are you trying to murder me?! I'm the one who assembled da Avengers! Do you know how hard that is?!"

The man and woman looked at each other through the hologram-ness.

"We will nuke Manhattan," the woman said. "No if's, and's, or but's."

The man snorted. "Pffft...butt."

The woman glared at him.

The man cleared his throat. "Nothing. Continue."

* * *

**I don't know if Nick used video chat or holograms...AH WHATEVER! He uses holograms in this for creative license...I guess...**


	12. Flying To His Donut

Natasha punched Squishy-No. I mean, Natasha punched Professor Selvig in the face. (We shall now call him by his original name because he is not under mind control.)

"Come on, fool," Natasha said.

Selvig jumped on her hover-board. "I have a name," Selvig grumbled. "Well, at least you didn't call me Squishy."

"Huh?" Natasha looked at Selvig.

"Er...Nothing."

Natasha shrugged. They flew to Tony Stark's tower. Loki tried to stop them from entering the tower, but Hulk grabbed Loki and slammed him on the ground.

"Puny god!" Hulk kept slamming Loki around.

"Okay!" Tony yelled. "Calm down there, big guy! No need to, like, murder him...Ah..."

Hulk glared at Tony and continued smashing Loki.

"I think I broke my face," Loki moaned.

"Drop him," Tony said in a firm voice. "Drop the Loki."

Hulk frowned, looking truly sad. "But..."

"Drop him!" Tony crossed his arms. "Now!"

With a sigh, Hulk let go of Loki. (Hulk made an effort to lift up his arm so the falling process was more painful for Loki.)

"Good boy," Tony said. "Good boy..."

"HULK NOT DOG!" Hulk yelled in Tony's face.

"Er...Right...Heh heh...Um, bye!" Tony flew away.

Loki rolled around on the ground. "The pain..."

Hulk bent down and whispered, "Puny god." Hulk punched Loki and ran away to smash other things.

* * *

"How do you turn off this infernal contraption?!" Natasha demanded, kicking the device that opened the portal.

"Don't destroy it!" Selvig laughed nervously and smoothed down his hair. "I worked hard on that..."

Natasha glared.

"B-But I was mind-controlled!" Selvig stuttered. "So I didn't really have a choice...Uh...There's a way to turn it off that doesn't involve, you know, destroying it."

"HOW?! HOW DO YOU TURN IT OFF?!"

"Um...Loki's stick of awesomeness?" Selvig squeaked. He picked up the scepter from where Loki dropped it.

Natasha snatched the scepter from Selvig. "BRILLIANT! Tell me how it works!"

* * *

"Tony..." The voice of Nick Fury came through Tony's Iron Man suit (because there was a communication device inside it).

"Yes?" Tony replied.

"Uh...The guys of S.H.I.E.L.D. are kind of going to...like...nuke Manhattan..."

"WHAT THE HECK?! WHY?!" Tony stopped flying and was just hovering in mid-air.

"Well you see what happened was..."

Tony sighed after hearing Fury's description of the meeting (and the song). "So..." Tony cleared his throat. "To kill all the aliens, they're going to set off a bomb that could kill everyone in New York?"

"Yup." Nick popped the p.

"Well I've got a plan..."

* * *

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "So you're telling me that you want to go through the portal? And you want to put the bomb there? And you just want me to wait here as you fly to your death?"

Tony nodded.

"Uh..." Natasha shrugged. "Cool! So I just close it when I see the explosion?"

Tony nodded again.

"Great! Now go! Go fly to your death!"

"Awesome-wait what?!" Tony's eyes widened. "Fly to my DEATH?!"

Natasha laughed nervously. "Nothing..."

"Um...Okay? Peace out!" Tony flew away.

"Did you say that he was flying to his death?" Selvig whispered.

"No...I said he was flying to his...donut?"

Selvig raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I heard you say-"

Natasha punched him in the face. "YOU HEARD NOTHING!"

"You're so strong, woman!" Selvig rubbed his black eye.


	13. A Big Finale

**FINAL COUNTDOWNNN! ****Technically it's not Disney, and it's not a parody, but I never said they were all Disney songs...****Did I say that they were all parodies? 0_o Whatever. XD**

* * *

Tony started singing to himself as he used the rest of his power in his suit. "We're leaving together, but it's still farewell. And maybe we'll come back to Earth, who can tell? I guess there is no one to blame. We're leaving ground. Will things ever be the same?"

Natasha paced around the Stark Tower.

"Calm down woman!" Selvig exclaimed, holding a bag of frozen peas up to his black eye.

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!" Natasha yelled.

"Okay! Gosh! Hey, why does Tony have a bar in his house?"

Natasha shrugged. She looked at Loki's scepter. "Ugh, where is Tony?"

"Probably singing as he flies to his 'donut'."

Natasha glared.

"Nothing!"

Cut to Tony Stark.

"IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWNNN," Tony sang. "We're heading for Venus, and still we stand tall. 'Cause maybe they've seen us and welcome us all. With so many light years to go and things to be found. I'm sure that we'll all miss her so." Tony threw the nuke into the portal. "Well, there goes-Oh crud." The power went out in his suit. (Battery power. Needs D42 batteries. Very rare. Also very inconvenient at times.)

"Natasha! Close the gate!" Selvig exclaimed.

Natasha closed the gate with Loki's stick of awesomeness. The lightning-ish substance that shot out caused Natasha to fall back on top of Selvig. They fell back like human dominoes (and it would have been comical if they weren't worrying about their friend falling to his death).

"HULK SAVE!" Hulk grabbed Tony before he hit the ground.

"Good work, Hulk," Steve remarked. He pulled off Tony's helmet. Sadly, Tony looked like he was dead.

"WAKE UP!" Hulk yelled really loudly. "SHAWARMA!"

Steve clapped his hands over his ears. "Noise pollution, man! Ah, my ears!"

Tony blinked. "Wha-? Did somebody say shawarma?!"

Hulk snorted. "Shawarma."

Tony jumped down from the Hulk's hand. The Avengers surrounded Loki.

"Give me that." Thor grabbed Loki's cube.

* * *

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ALMOST GOT KILLED?!" one of the S.H.I.E.L.D. council people holograms yelled.

Nick smirked and nodded.

"THOSE GUYS ARE DANGEROUS!"

"Totally, maaan."

* * *

"We built this city!" Tony sang, painting the newly rebuilt wall in his tower. "We built this city on ROCK AND ROLL!"

Pepper put another stud in the wall. "Built this city! We built this city on rock and roll!"

"Say you don't know me or recognize my face!"

"Say you don't care who goes to that kind of place!"

They continued rocking out as they rebuilt the parts of the Stark Tower that were damaged.

"We built this city on ROCK AND ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"

* * *

**I do not know how to spell shawarma really, but I looked it up on Google and...****Shawarma? ****That is awkward.**

**This chapter isn't really that "joking" as most of the others. -_- Sigh...**


	14. Shawarma Scene

**I like this scene just the way it is, so I'm just going to put it in writing form! Yay!**

**When I see this scene...I think it's perfect...Just the way it is...'Cause gurl it's amazing...Just the way it is...XD**

***That is the song for this chapter. :P***

* * *

Workers cleaned up the shawarma place.

Steve rested his chin on his fist and drifted off to sleep.

Natasha felt like she ate WAY too much shawarma.

Thor happened to be enjoying his shawarma a lot. 'Shawarma,' he thought. 'Interesting name...'

Bruce (in new clothes, of course) nodded, chewing on some fries. 'Good fries,' Bruce thought. 'These are awesome!'

Clint leaned back on his chair.

Tony wiped his mouth with a napkin.

'Can't let this go to waste,' Natasha thought, picking up the uneaten half of her shawarma. Thor and Natasha took a bite of shawarma at the same time.

Bruce shoved some fries in his face.

Steve started waking up.

* * *

**Well this chapter is short, sadly. ;-; ****I'm glad I finished this thing! Not like I want it to end, I just like finishing stories...**

**Honestly, I don't obsess over Avengers that much (and not nearly as much as I do with Layton Brothers: Mystery Room), but I do kinda obsess over the Hulk. XD Still, this was a really fun Fan-Fiction. Maybe I will do more Avenger Fan-Fictions. 0_o Never thought I'd say that. I'd read some Avengers Fan-Fictions even though I don't really obsess over it that much & maybe write more Fan-Fictions.**

**Also I like to draw them! I do a terrible Loki drawing. :P Ha. Poor guy. Looks like a girl when I put him on my notebook...**

**Is that...****Sympathy?!**

**Do I feel sympathy for Loki?! :P**


	15. Be Prepared

**YukiGirl21 (a girl who's following this story & reviewing a lot) suggested that I put Loki & his mind-controlled minion singing Be Prepared from Lion King. I couldn't find a place to put it in the story, so it's a random bonus scene. This part happened when they were working in the Stark tower before the Avengers came. :3**

**Now that I think of it, Loki has a slight resemblance to Scar...**

* * *

"I never thought Chitauri essential," Loki sang, "but they're weird and unspeakably mean. Maybe they've a glimmer of potential if allied to my vision and brain. I know that your powers of retention are as wet as a warthog backslide. But as thick as you are, pay attention! My words are a sense of pride."

Squishy, who was supposed to be building the weird device, stared at Loki. "Wha-?"

"It's clear from your vacant expression the lights are not all on upstairs," Loki continued. "But that's probably from my mind control...Even you can't run away! So, prepare for a chance of a lifetime! Be prepared for sensational news. A shining, new era is tiptoeing nearer."

Squishy rolled his eyes. "And when do you be quiet?"

"Just listen to Loki! I know it sounds sordid, but you'll be rewarded. When at last, I'm given my dues, and injustice deliciously squared! BE PREPARED!" Loki slapped Squishy, so Squishy started mumbling to sing along with Loki. "This is your solo," Loki whispered.

Squishy cursed under his breath. "Um...Okay...LOKI LOKI LOKI! It's great that we'll soon be connected with a king who'll be all time abhorred..."

"Of course," sang Loki, "quit pro quo, you're expected to take certain duties on board. The future littered with prizes! And though I'm the main addressee, the point I must emphasize is you won't get a life without me!"

Squishy mumbled the words as Loki sang: "So prepare for the coup of the century!"

Squishy gave up.

Loki continued: "Be prepared for the murkiest scam!"

"Weirdo."

"Meticulous planning!"

Squishy did a facepalm. "And mind-control."

"Tenacity spanning!"

"What is that?"

"Decades of denial!"

"Yeah lots."

"And simply why I'll-"

"Why am I even doing this?" Squishy went back to the device.

"-be king, undisputed! Hated, detested, and seen for the evil I am! Yes, my device and thugs are bared. BE PREPARED!" Loki slapped Squishy again. They sang together (with Squishy hating it as usual): "Yes, our device and thugs are bared. BE PREPARED!"

* * *

**Loki's never had any successful solo songs. T-T**


End file.
